Dead Men Walking…

Dead Men Walking

I have walked both the Road of Madness and the Road of Death.  I pray to be freed from this condition.

The Other Road is the road of Madness. On this road, the death is of the personality that came before, and it can come about through a period of mental illness. The mental instability during shaman sickness is especially difficult, because the individual is legitimately experiencing contact with unseen (to most others, that is) entities – and they are also seeing and hearing them through a veil of insanity. Figuring out what is real and what isn’t can seem nearly impossible, especially since any mental health professionals that they consult are likely to be less than helpful. They may concur that there are brain chemistry problems, but they will neither believe in any of the spirit-contact nor understand the need to see the illness through to some end, whatever that is. Psychiatric medication may be prescribed, and the individual may end up in the hospital. In some cases, the spirits may drive the sufferer away from medical help if they think that it will retard the process, even if this has them sleeping on park benches for a while. In other cases, the sufferer accedes to the wishes of mental health personnel, but it doesn’t necessarily fix the problem.

Psychiatric medications for people who are on the Other Road are an ambivalent subject. As discussed above in the section on whether spirit-workers should use psychiatric medications at all, it will largely depend on the individual in question, and divination should perhaps be done in order to get a clear answer. On the other hand, if you are walking the Madness Road as part of a spirit-triggered shamanic rebirth, They may well prefer to you to experience it fully, without the buffering effect of drugs – at least for a time. And if a particular psychiatric medication interferes with your ve in any way – such as making it difficult to move energy or ground and center – it is unlikely that the spirits will allow you to take it, so as above, do divination first to find something appropriate. This advice includes any herbal remedies, but for the latter, it is imperative that a spirit-worker who utilizes herbal remedies should make an alliance with the Grandparent-spirit of that plant, or it may not be all that effective. (Spirit-workers can’t just make assumptions about the use of living things for their aid; we are held to a higher standard, even by wights that we haven’t met yet or whose existence hasn’t occurred to us.) Also, be aware that herbal remedies can interact in difficult ways with allopathic medications, so be careful.

You may also need to consider how much of the issues brought up by shaman sickness are chemical and how much are trauma that no chemical can help, and that needs to be worked through by itself. If, for example, there’s a large chemical component that is preventing you from making any headway on the emotional things, you may be able to bargain a deal where you temporarily go on medication long enough to throw yourself fully into working out your emotional issues (assuming that you are not taking one of the anti-empathic meds that simply repress your emotional issues so that you don’t have to look at them). Of course, you’d then have to dedicate every day to making yourself emotionally stable enough to go off the medications and deal with the rest of the shaman sickness process without going under. Other tools of modern psychiatry that some modern spirit-workers swear by for “getting ready to survive shaman sickness” are DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming).

While one might think that the Madness Road is, if not easier, at least less life-threatening than the Death Road, that would be incorrect to assume. A spirit-worker on the Madness Road may commit suicide out of pain and despair, or do something stupid that gets them killed, or go so thoroughly mad that they burn out their own gifts and live practically catatonic for the rest of their (usually short) lives. One of the big dangers of the Madness Road is being too crazy to realize that you’re all that crazy, especially if you’ve actually got wight-contact going at the same time. It’s also common for your judgment to be entirely off about all the important things in your life, even the simplest ones.

What the spirit-worker going down this road desperately needs is a sane, reasonable person that they trust who shares the same or at least a similar world view to them to be their reality check. This “reality check” should give them feedback as to their apparent sanity based on their behavior as a human being, not based on some socially acceptable scale of belief. They should understand that talking to the unseen or doing odd ritual behaviors is, for this spirit-worker, not evidence of insanity. However, being unable to hold a sensible conversation or negotiate reasonably and rationally over some mundane matter might be, as might losing one’s empathy or ability to see the world views of others, or becoming paranoid about the motivations of your loved ones and attributing unrealistic and sinister motivations to them, regardless of all evidence to the contrary.

It is important to remember that the mark of a shaman who takes the Madness Road is that they only suffer from those extremes during shaman sickness, and then they recover. A functioning shaman may have odd social behaviors that are the result of his bargains with the spirits, but s/he is fully aware of how they look to others, and can communicate patiently and sensitively past that hurdle. They are able to have healthy relationships and negotiate sanely with others. They need to be sane, in order to do their jobs – not just because the job is so stressful, but because it requires them to understand and empathize with many different clients. They need to be able to live in this world as well as in the Otherworlds, or they are ineffective. This means that in order to function as a shaman, they need to come back from that illness. It’s important to have faith in the wights who guide this process, as they understand how to bring someone back from it, but it’s also important to have a human support system who can help you with regular infusions of reality about how you look and sound to “normal” people.

At the same time, there will still always be a faint air of insanity about people who have walked the Madness Road, even when they are acting completely sane and normal, just like there will be a faint aura of “death” around those who have walked the Death Road


New Age Shaman…

Isn’t it funny that a newager can call themselves shaman and live on the side of a mountain giving all sorts of bullshit advice but the minute a schizophrenic claims his right to be called the same he is thought delusional and told to up his medication?

Perhaps it is because we know the new age is bullshit. We know deep down inside that it is a very special call the real shaman receives. We know there must be very few of them. Yet we go along with allowing the new age to play the part and charge fees because it is what we do in this society. It is all about money and ego to them and they literally make me vomit.


What makes some of us do the horrible things we’ve done? What makes someone with schizophrenia cross the line into total madness and evil?

No one outside of me understands the fight within. Mock all you want. Stalk all you want. You just don’t get it. You are not the enemy. My mind is.

My deepest fear is in a force deep within compelling me to do something no rational man would do.

I have control. My fear is that someday my mind will be out of control and will not be rational.

What is this thing called schizophrenia? How do I stop it?


I’m thinking I was predisposed to Schizophrenia which is looking more to me like a brain disease every day. My family tree is a broken piece of driftwood. However, the Dissociation is likely caused by trauma. You have no idea how hard it is to see this while in the midst of it all.

It is like I’ve been calling out to the world for years, begging someone to listen. Wanting to tell everyone it is like being on a psychedelic drug and also having to contend with existing psychological trauma.

Completely mindbent.

Cognitive Dysfunction in Multiple Sclerosis…

Cognitive Dysfunction in Multiple Sclerosis

There has been a lot of recent research into changes in cognition due to MS and it is now evident that such changes do occur and that they are more common than was previously thought. Cognition is about our abilities in thinking things through and how well our memory works.

Cognition is also about how to focus and to maintain our attention; the way we learn and remember new things; how we think reason and solve problems. It also concerns how we plan and carry out our activities; the way we understand and use language and how well we recognise objects, assemble things together and judge distances.

The brain damage in MS is different to that in e.g. Alzheimer’s type dementia and so the problems shown are different. Although the problems may not amount to full dementia they can cause significant disruption to the lives of patients. In studies of MS patients with and without cognitive dysfunction, those with have been shown to be more significantly impaired with respect to work, sexual and social functioning and basic activities of daily living.

Depression in MS…

Depression in MS

“Depression” is a term commonly applied to a wide variety of emotional states in MS. These may range from feeling down for a few hours on a given day to severe clinical depression that may last for several months. People with MS and all those closely associated with them should be aware that depression in its various forms is common during the course of multiple sclerosis. In fact, studies have suggested that clinical depression, the severest form of depression, is more frequent among people with MS than it is in the general population or in persons with other chronic, disabling conditions. Depression does not indicate weak character and it should not be considered something shameful that needs to be hidden. Depression is not something that a person can control or prevent by willpower or determination. In its most severe forms, depression appears to be a chemical imbalance that may occur at any time, even when life is going well.

My Rant is This…

While online, I’ve met with loads of people who claimed the sole cause of Schizophrenia is trauma based.


I am telling you I have several MRIs that show something very different. Yes, trauma can cause various psychological problems. I once thought I had bugs under my skin and aliens frying my brain only to find out that I was feeling the effects of Multiple Sclerosis causing numbness, tingling and sensations of heat. The psychological problem was that I related these effects as bugs and aliens but the fact remains that an underlying disease of MS was the cause.

I am convinced that in my case Multiple Sclerosis is related to the Schizophrenia. You are welcome to disagree. It does not explain everything but it is a much better way for me to look at my condition.

Which would you rather have, a madness of the mind or a disease documented by years of research where treatments to prevent progression are possible?

E. Fuller Torrey

I am neither a fan nor an opponent of Torrey. To me, he is a doctor with a desire to cure Schizophrenia having a sister who had it.

Some people mocked his theory that cat feces caused the illness but if you ask any woman who has been pregnant as I have asked of them, they are told to avoid changing the litter box for a reason. That isn’t to say cat feces causes Schizophrenia but perhaps Torrey was on the right path considering GeNeuro now seems to think a retrovirus may be the culprit.

Instead of mocking perhaps we should be sitting at the table with these people. I am so tired of the anti-psychiatry camp who have no better treatments mocking those who have devoted their lives to finding a cure.

Go back to school, get your degree and then talk to me.

Geneuro’s Approach…

Geneuro’s Approach

A unique approach by targeting pathogenic effects of human endogenous retroviruses

GeNeuro develops a pioneering approach for the therapy and diagnosis of diseases associated with human endogenous retrovirus expression.

The sequencing of the human genome revealed that nearly one-half of the genome is composed of repeated or retrotransposable elements. Among them, human endogenous retroviruses represent more than 8% of the human genome and result from the integration of exogenous retroviruses that have infected the germline of their host during the primate evolution.

The human endogenous retroviruses (HERVs) appear to have a critical significance in certain diseases, at the crossroads of genetics, virology and physiopathology.

A human endogenous retrovirus, the Multiple Sclerosis associated retrovirus (MSRV), is a member of the HERV-W family. The retrovirus MSRV has been initially isolated in cell cultures from patients affected with Multiple Sclerosis in the 90’s. MSRV is normally latent in the genome of individuals, but it can be re-activated by certain co-factors and then expresses a pathogenic envelope protein (MSRV-Env).

The retrovirus MSRV appears to be a major triggering and aggravating factor in the development and progression of some neurological diseases. Depending on environmental co-factors, the retrovirus MSRV could be involved in both Multiple Sclerosis and Schizophrenia.

Since I am diagnosed with both Multiple Sclerosis and Schizophrenia, I am investigating a possible relationship between the two.