If you will not die for us, you cannot ask us to die for you.― Jacqueline Carey
Every time we don’t stand down the primary abusers in our lives, we lose a little ground, we fade into the night, we die a little inside. Rising above it may be a temporary balm, but, at some point, we have to come back into our bodies and speak it. As important as it is to reach a stage of genuine forgiveness where possible, it is even more important to assert boundaries with those who have violated ours. It may well be why they came into our lives- to force us to recognize and claim our own value. ―Jeff Brown
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.― Heraclitus
I haven’t seen my psychiatrist and psychologist in over two months. I’d become frustrated with their lack of ability to help me. My psychologist tries but it isn’t working out too well. My psychiatrist is typical, only seeing me for about ten minutes to write scripts. He doesn’t get it at all.
For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I’m trying to learn to accept my condition. I’m not necessarily accepting the label of schizophrenia or that of shaman but am accepting those things like voice hearing and tactile experiences that are very real to me. I cannot stop them so perhaps it is best to “let it rain” and whatever will be will be.
In the hospitals I have been in the men and women shared a ward. I’m not a fan of this as I have witnessed some men exposing themselves to the women and asking for sexual favours. These men are a threat and no woman needs to face this sort of victimization especially in a hospital setting. But that is an unfortunate truth of common goings on.
Anyway, there was a large woman who was supposed to be on a one on one. A one on one is when a staff member spends every moment with the patient. The woman managed to sneak away from her staff member and into my room where I was sleeping. She sat on the edge of my bed and I woke up. I sat up and she started to caress my face. She’d previously been violent with so many of the people there but there she was gently stroking my face. We sat there for about ten minutes until the staff member finally found her and took her away.
This attitude of ignoring voice hearers’ experience is quite prevalent in the helping professions. For instance, when I consult to programs that provide services to people who hear voices that are distressing, I find it remarkable that staff know so little about the individual’s experience. For example, I recently consulted with staff that work in a residential program with a man who hears distressing voices for approximately 80% of his waking hours. This man has been hearing distressing voices for over ten years. Yet if you look at his record all it says is: “Has auditory hallucinations that sometimes command him to hurt himself”. In ten years of treatment no one has explored the voice hearing experience with this individual. No staff person has thought to inquire if the voices are male or female. Do they speak English? Are there helpful voices as well as distressing voices? How do you understand the existence of these voices? Are there one or many voices? When do the voices come and when don’t they come? Do you have any personal power in relation to the voices-i.e., can you communicate with them, can you reason or bargain with them, can you turn your attention away from them and get involved with another activity, can you tell them you will talk with them later in the evening, etc.?
Why don’t the docs test my hearing? Let’s say I were able to hear in the same frequency range of a dog or cat. Wouldn’t that prove I hear things other people don’t?