I woke up this morning and realized I am a sane man in an insane world. Politicians sit on their asses while people are starving and in need of proper housing and medical care. They play their war games at the expense of the innocent. Judges sit on their asses setting rapists and murderers free.
It is driving me mad.
I find it hard to believe in an all powerful, all loving God. I have seen too much of this world to believe an all powerful loving deity would have chosen this path for me.
I also reject the theory that we choose our lives and our lessons before we get here. I would have had to have been insane from the beginning of time to have chosen this shit.
I’ve been criticized for having my “shadow” all over my online experience.
That’s the point.
The shadow is the part I’d repressed for so long and now he’s come out with a vengeance. That is “shadow work” isn’t it? To bring the shadow into the light?
It isn’t meant to be pretty. I’m not hiding behind some façade of enlightenment. This is the true work unedited and shown as openly as possible. How dare they mock me when I’ve been true to the experience and have had the balls enough to share it.
Once, while in trance, I saw myself buried alive and calling out for help to aliens. That is how I feel. The aliens are the only beings listening. I’m totally frustrated with mankind and its lack of community. What do people think schizophrenia is? I’m not the guy in the news who says, “The voices made me do it.” I’m John Nash and Syd Barrett just trying to make it through the day.
The mental health care system sucks huge and is so disconnected from what is needed it is sickening. The mental health forums online are even worse.
And here is my wish…that every malingering asshole gets twenty-four hours in my head. They couldn’t handle one fucking day.
This illness is debilitating. I’m tired of the sickness. I’m tired of the doctors and their complete bullshit. I’m tired of the constant rumination within my mind. I’m tired of people not waking up and understanding the severity of this.