The voices say I am a strong shaman. Actually, they say I am a “strong, strong, strong shaman.” I don’t feel very strong though. My heart is heavy and life’s events tend to push me into myself.
I am coming to terms with the voices though. They have been with me for such a long time. I’m getting better with going into public spaces and not talking to them in front of other people…though I sometimes still slip.
The more I associate the voices with shamanism the more I am in control. They aren’t as foul as they once were but they still invade my dreams. I don’t blindly follow what they say. I use good judgment and just like speaking to another person, I consider what they say and make up my own mind.
This is work. It is hard work to stay in control of oneself under these conditions but I am learning.