No Healers…

I am finding no healers.

In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8


Black Shaman…

I am offended by the “lightworkers” who want to “heal” my darkness, heal my condition…
…says the black shaman.

Not everything is love and light. There is darkness, the mystical that I walk.

I don’t get a vacation. I don’t blow out a candle and say the journey is done. I’m done when the universe is done with me.

Pussy Motherfuckers…

If you’ve been reading along for some time, you know there are a few people I am angry with for abandoning me. They said they were friends but now life has gotten in the way.

I recall no matter what I was going through I would take the time to ask if they were ok. No matter what was going on with me, I answered their emails but they couldn’t do the same for me.

Then, it just struck me…why they can’t contact me.

They are pussy motherfuckers. I can handle voices and they handle nothing…
…pussy motherfuckers.


Some nights are harder than others.

I cope.

After all, that is what the doctors want…me to cope.  They have varying techniques but it is basically the same old same old…they choose a therapy to help me cope.

Coping.  Anything to manage my “symptoms” long enough for me to function in this world.

But I don’t want to function here.  It is like no one hears me.  I hear voices.  I am possessed.  Doesn’t anyone see how impossible it is to cope with?  Doesn’t anyone realize just how fucked up this is for me?

Shaman or no shaman, this shit is fucking jacked.


I hear voices that reverberate in my ears.  This is why I know them to be real.  They are not a part of my mind.  My inner ear moves to each sound they make.  You don’t get that movement by an inner voice.

When someone shouts, your ears respond…that is what they do when the voices talk to me.

Ears don’t respond to an “inner” voice made up by the mind.