Moving Mountains…

mountains

 

…Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.-Matthew 17:20

I had to go to wonderland to find the answers.  I’ve been overanalyzing everything and this was causing immense pain.  Everyone “helping” me told me I had to go through the depression, pain, schizophrenia.  They wanted to “work on it” by regurgitating everything I had already experienced.  This was causing tremendous pain.

I was holding on to the things of the past instead of letting go.

What I had to do was to look at each new day as a promise of something new.  Let go of the pain…let it go.  Look forward instead of back.  I had to stop visualizing depression, schizophrenia and pain as a mountain I am climbing.  I already climbed it.

I had to travel beyond the present moment.  In the present moment I was stuck in a muck of depression and schizophrenia—immense soul pain.  I had to command the mountain to move…it is moving and I am moving forward.

The Guest House…

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-Rumi

No Doctors…

It has been four years since my last hospitalization. So glad to have kept myself out of that place. Of course I use due diligence and never see the doctors in November or December so they can’t lock me up during the holidays as they’ve done in the past.

Not seeing any doctors now anyway due to an insurance change. Down to two 8mg tablets of Trilafon each day and still weaning off. Using alternative techniques to deal with the Schizophrenia and doing well. No other medication is used now. Totally off of the Vistaril, Trileptal and Effexor.