Some have tried to “guide” me through “shadow work” but they were guiding me from the outside in. I am working from the inside out. Their methods do not work. They studied a few pages of Jung and played armchair psychologists…a very dangerous thing to do with one who suffers from Schizophrenia, an illness they did not have education of. They scoffed at my method and ridiculed me. Then they abandoned me after I was hospitalized, leaving me with pages of emails that were bullshit.
Lets be clear, Jung was a nut. He was engrossed in work even he did not fully understand. I am not criticizing his work. There are some things in it that make sense to me. Unfortunately, there are other things that do not. He did not have a full understanding of Schizophrenia. It is true he MAY have experienced some form of psychosis (hearing voices etc) but that does not make one “schizophrenic.” This is a point of contention I have with some of the people online. While psychosis is often a part of the schizophrenic experience it is not exclusive to schizophrenia. One can have psychosis with extreme forms of depression and bipolar disorder as well as having psychosis not otherwise specified.
I am dealing with the experience of schizophrenia, an illness not many understand. It goes beyond the psychosis.
It is like I am a starship…think Star Trek. My “ship” is programmed in the language of Schizophrenia. On board there is a program that runs the “holodeck”…a psychosis. The holodeck exists within the ship…the psychosis within the schizophrenia and I sometimes manage my way off of the holodeck but I am still on the ship…always in schizophrenia and though not always in psychosis.